At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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