can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
