if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so let's talk penis.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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