Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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