What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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