I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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