Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
