The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm like, not good at living.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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