I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
