Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
