I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
