This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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