I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
