You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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