This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
