Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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