When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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