I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
