paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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