I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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