you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
