how can u be prego again
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
