i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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