I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize