you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
