I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
