I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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