he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This baby is an asshole
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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