he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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