I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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