you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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