I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
