Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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