ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
