In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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