I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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