well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
