dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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