If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
