Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I smell stomach acid.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
