If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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