Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
