I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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