Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
