Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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