why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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