pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize