All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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