I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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