He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
