All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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