you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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