upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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