1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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