and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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