pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
