I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
