Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
