I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Where is the hickey?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Your dad touched me again.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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