remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am available for nakedness
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
