today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
