my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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