Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
