it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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