When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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