"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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