i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
