Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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