I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
